A ‘Marriage’ you’ll want to abandon at the altar
It’s hard to believe that it’s been 30 years since Edward Burns took the Sundance Film Festival by storm with his debut, “The Brothers McMullen.” He’s been toiling to match the hype ever since. If anything, he’s gradually regressed, partly because he’s never been able to shake the label of being a Woody Allen fanboy. Sadly, his latest, the labored rom-dram, “Millers In Marriage,” is merely more of the same Woody worship.
Watching it, all I could think of was how much better Allen’s “Hannah and Her Sisters” was than this maudlin exploration of the failing marriages of three New York siblings on the wrong side of 50. Insights? He has a few. I also admire the openly candid expressions of the all-too-common disappointments and regrets that come with facing the reality that life didn’t turn out as planned. In that respect, “Millers” is his best effort since 1996’s “She’s the One.”
Alas, that’s not saying much after assessing a resume pocked with mediocrity. One could argue he’s been far more successful as an actor (“Saving Private Ryan”) than the lauded writer-director he’s long sought to be. With that in mind, it’s easy to see a piece of him in the three Millers: Eve (Gretchen Mol), Maggie (Julianna Margulies) and Andy (Burns), all artists sensing they’ve massively underachieved.
Unlike Burns, his Andy has failed at love, as have Andy’s sisters, both feeling smothered by husbands on opposite ends of the personality spectrum. Eve’s Scott (Patrick Wilson) is an obnoxious alpha male who behaves abominably, especially when he’s been drinking, if he’s even present. Maggie’s mister, Nick (Campbell Scott), is the meek host of his non-stop pity party, rarely leaving the house, particularly the kitchen, where he’s retreated to whip up gourmet meals to counter his prolonged writer’s block.
As for Andy, he’s either separated or divorced (the script goes back and forth on his status) from the man-eating Tina (Morena Baccarin), who seeks to sabotage her ex’s budding relationship with her former friend, Renee (Minnie Driver). Yes, we’ve entered the Soap Opera Zone, and it’s a scary place where friends and lovers seem to come and go randomly. These liaisons include Maggie’s fling with Dennis (Brian d’Arcy James), her gardener – sorry, “groundskeeper” – and Eve’s temptation to yield to the unctuous come-ons from a Rolling Stone journalist (Benjamin Bratt) making no bones about his intent to rock the ex-rock star’s world.
Confused? You’re not alone. There are simply too many characters and plotlines to keep track of amid an already disorienting assortment of flashbacks. There’s also zero humor, once an Edward Burns staple. This is serious business, at least in the mind of Burns and his collection of what Nick rightly calls “Rich people and their champagne problems.”
There are, however, smatterings of unintentional laughs, most prevalently among Maggie’s bibliography: best-sellers with pretentious titles such as “Folding Chair,” “Boiling Water,” “Shoveling Snow,” and her recently completed “Filling Station.” What? No “Sack Lunch”? Eve is equally banal when it comes to naming the rock tunes she’s penned. It’s debatable which is worse, her big 1998 hit “Easy on You” with her band Mag Scrambler, or her new comeback single, “Shine On,” played over the film’s end credits.
Does Burns believe us peons can relate to these self-absorbed elitists? And what was he thinking by endeavoring to sell the very average-looking James as the Adonis gardener – sorry, “groundskeeper” – sowing his seed in the beds of his libidinous female clients? Now, that’s a stretch.
All in all, it’s an egregious waste of an excellent ensemble that can only do so much to make Burns’ inane dialogue sing. Mol is by far the standout as possibly the movie’s only sympathetic character. I’d lump Driver in there, too, but she’s hardly ever around. As for the rest of the cast, it’s a close contest as to who’s the most pompous. Is it Scott’s mopey, mumbling Nick? Margulies’ prickly and aloof, Maggie? Wilson’s sexist pig, Scott? Or Baccarin’s barracuda, Tina? Let’s call it a toss-up.
Add Andrea Vanzo’s cloying piano score and you’ve got the ingredients to make a two-hour movie feel twice as long. At least the New Jersey countryside is nice to look at whenever the scene shifts from the massive New York City apartments Eve and Andy, a blah painter, improbably call home. And how many other flicks this year will dare to incorporate the term “flow state” into their dialogue?
After “Millers In Marriage” (BTW, an uninspired title), my flow state was clogged up with hifalutin empty-nesters grousing about how their opulent lifestyles have left them severely repressed. We should all be so unlucky. And how about sharing some spoils from what must have been the biggest wine budget in movie-making history? We could use a glass, because these Millers, they’re enough to drive you to drink.
Movie review
Millers In Marriage
Rated: R for language and sexual situations
Cast: Gretchen Mol, Julianna Margulies, Ed Burns, Benjamin Bratt, Campbell Scott, Morena Baccarin, Edward Burns, Brian d’Arcy James, Minnie Driver and Patrick Wilson
Director: Edward Burns
Writer: Edward Burns
Runtime: 124 minutes
Where: In theaters Feb. 21 (limited)
Grade: C
