‘Kidnapping of Arabella’ can’t justify the ransom
The abduction of a child, no matter if it’s done purposely or, in this case, accidentally, is hardly fodder for hilarity. But writer-director Carolina Cavalli obviously didn’t get the memo before concocting the gratingly off-key “The Kidnapping of Arabella,” a farce of a farce that’s more annoying than funny.
Clearly, Cavalli worships at the neorealistic altar of Fellini, filling her movie with oddballs defined by their cubist mugs and eccentric behavior. But unlike Fellini, Cavalli presents them sans depth and purpose. They are just here to act bizarre in abetting her miscalculation that weirdness begets comedy. Even the normies thrive on peculiarities. Chief among them is the titular Arabella (Lucrezia Guglielmino), an 8-year-old hellion pissed that her novelist father is forcing her to attend a highfalutin awards banquet instead of granting the princess’s wish to dine at the more kid-friendly Taco King.
Seated in the audience next to a guy in a chicken costume, she screams, talks out of turn and rudely interrupts Dad’s acceptance speech before delivering the sucker punch: rightly declaring him no match for his rival, the internationally acclaimed Jonathan Franzen. In the thankless role of Pops, Chris Pine shows off his fluency in Italian alongside his gift for expressive deadpan. In this instance, exasperation. His Orest D. is fed up, so he hands the chauffeur a wad of euros before ordering him to take Arabella to the nearest Taco King in hopes of quieting her down.
Once there, she jumps from the limo and wanders off across the dimly lit parking lot, feigning a limp, before encountering another unhappy young lady in Benedetta Porcaroli’s Holly. They make eye contact, with the latter intrigued by the sight of a girl hobbling, because she was once a little girl with a limp. “What’s your name?” Holly asks. To which Arabella replies, “Holly,” reading off the nametag the stranger wears on her skating rink uniform.
Naturally, Holly, a 28-year-old physics student, instantly assumes Arabella is her younger self, who has breached the time-space continuum to help correct the mistakes Holly made as a kiddo. Namely, declining an offer by her showgirl mom’s colleague, Granatina (Italian legend Eva Robin’s), to mold her into a ballerina.
Improbably, Holly asks Arabella/Holly to hop into her car in search of Granatina. That’s the movie, and it unfolds just as you’d expect, with Holly’s delusions serving as comedic fodder while Arabella gets to stick it to her dad by running away from home. Along the way, they steal cars, partake in tired musical montages and, at one point, earn some much-needed cash by renting out Arabella as a flower girl at a wedding chapel.
Occasionally, Cavalli cuts back to Pine’s Orest being berated by his ex and Arabella’s mother, Ingrid (Margareth Made), or imploring the ineffectual polizia to end his debilitating guilt by finding his ward. Naturally, the cop assigned to the case is also Holly’s longtime admirer, Maccarino (Nick Cave double Marco Bonadei), who is working behind the scenes, begging his crush to bring the girl back before he can no longer spare her jail time.
But Holly is on a mission, one that Arabella eventually tires of. She wants to be a little girl again, especially after making the acquaintance of a cute little boy taking a shine to her. This is about the time we’re expected to sympathize as Arabella transitions from a spoiled brat into a vulnerable moppet in the clutches of an unstable, narcissistic woman.
None of this has the slightest impact because Cavalli (“Amanda”) never compels us to take these characters and their plight seriously. Thus, there’s no drama, no suspense and certainly no reason to chuckle at a situation involving a minor in the company of an arguably mentally deranged woman.
To be fair, Porcaroli and Guglielmino can be an engaging pair, but they can’t begin to assuage the film’s rampant cynicism. Or its significant ick factor. Again, what’s funny about child abduction? OK, the Coen brothers proved it could be done with “Raising Arizona,” but this misfire only causes you to appreciate that classic even more. One thing for sure: Cavalli is no Coen. Heck, she’s not even Wes Anderson, whose quirky style she obviously seeks to emulate. “Raising Arizona”? This erratic dud is closer to breeding aggravation.
Movie review
The Kidnapping of Arabella
Rated: Not rated
Cast: Benedetta Porcaroli, Lucrezia Guglielmino, Chris Pine and Marco Bonadei
Director: Carolina Cavalli
Writer: Carolina Cavalli
Runtime: 107 minutes
Where: In theaters July 15 (limited)
Grade: C-
