Tasty start winds up melting in ‘Ice Cream Man’
When it comes to grotesque cartoon violence, Eli Roth proves he can really dish it out with “Ice Cream Man.” And his titular character is not vending Good Humor, despite his creepy, omnipresent smile. You see, he’s come surreptitiously to the idyllic New England hamlet of Bayleen Bay to serve three scoops of revenge by turning the town’s children into homicidal maniacs. And all it takes is just one lick of the Pied Piper’s creamy wares.
Accordingly, Roth empties the budget on Kensington Gore, as zombified children with dried ice cream and sprinkles forming icky wreaths around their mouths fetch power saws, axes and dentist drills to butcher their parents, teachers and public servants in an end-of-the-school-year blood bath. Sick, I know. But also funny in the darkest respects, as is Roth’s want.
He and his childhood friend, Noah Belson, say they’ve been plotting their assault on the wholesomeness of kids and cones for 20 years. And the proof is in the depth of their depravity in inventing countless ways for rugrats to lop off heads and limbs in addition to a complete bisection. One adorable little girl has even taken to carrying her mom’s severed noggin around like a football, stopping only to brush its plasma-soaked hair.
Amidst the crushed skulls and entrails doubling as makeshift jump ropes, three unlikely heroes emerge, immune to the carnage because they either abstained or threw up the tainted treats. Chief among them, 12-year-old Jared (Charlie Zeltzer), the hopeless nerd whose lactose intolerance offers him the fortuitous opportunity to come to the rescue of the beautiful, unobtainable Mia (Kiori Waldman). They, along with the cocky class cut-up, Tommy (Shiloh O’Reilly), initially find themselves trapped in a school room surrounded by ravenous, glassy-eyed peers itching to add them to the mounting death toll.
What ensues is the equivalent of a violent video game, as the trio must hatch a clever means to escape to the nearby church where they are to meet up with Jared’s cynical 17-year-old sister, Lizzie (Sarah Abbott), and her wannabe lothario ex, Chris (Dylan Hawco). Their respective journeys are fun at first, but Roth, who doubles as Jared and Lizzie’s father, Marty, proves himself guilty of overkill.
All the murder and mayhem eventually cedes to boredom. And there’s still another quarter hour to go in an already short (86 minutes) movie that partially saves itself with a clever third-act twist exposing unthinkable secrets that only the local priest (Benjamin Bryon Davis) had been privy.
The result is a demented mashup of “Spotlight” and “Weapons,” Oscar-winners that kept popping into my head, reminding me how easily “Ice Cream Man” melts in their shadows. But Roth has never been confused with an auteur. He’s simply a filmmaker bent on delivering chills, thrills and a solid laugh or two. And “Ice Cream Man” is no different. Like most of his previous nine films, you’re likely to forget it as soon as the credits roll.
While unfolding, though, it’s hard not to yield to the joys of witnessing a director invoking his sick childhood fantasies with unbridled enthusiasm. And what’s not to like about a score partially composed by Snoop Dogg, who renders requisitely menacing a simple ditty like, “Ringa ding-ding, ringa ding-dong, ringa ding-dong it’s the ice cream song…” And, of course, the old “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.” With the emphasis on “scream.”
None of it would work at all without Ari Millen’s excellent titular turn. He utters not a single word, but he manages to fill you with dread through nothing more than a mocking grin. Might he be the next Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger? He just might. Ditto for his bright blue-and-white truck with the rotating, evil-eyed cone on top. The combination of chariot and driver just might be enough to swear off ice cream forever. As for Roth, he’d be sufficiently pleased if his Bomb Pop of a film avoids transforming into a pop (culture) bomb.
Movie review
Ice Cream Man
Rated: Not rated
Cast: Ari Millen, Eli Roth, Shiloh O’Reilly, Charlie Zeltzer, Kiori Waldman, Sarah Abbott, Karen Cliche, Dylan Hawco and Benjamin Byron Davis
Director: Eli Roth
Writers: Eli Roth and Noah Belson
Runtime: 86 minutes
Where: In theaters Aug. 7
Grade: B-
