Don’t accept a ride from ‘The Man in the White Van’
There are more unintentional laughs than frights in Warren Skeels’ corny thriller “The Man in the White Van,” but damned if it’s not a guilty pleasure. Whether that’s enough to take this collection of cheesy jump scares and stilted acting to the finish line is ripe for debate. So is its flippant use of child abduction as the foundation for a fable that is basically a variation on “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” Or, in this case, the girl.
Skeels has even hired an actress named (Madison) Wolfe to portray 15-year-old Annie, a horse-loving tomboy from rural Tampa prone to embellishing her life experiences to detract attention from her prom-queen priss of an older sister, Margaret (Brec Bassinger). Her fibs have gotten so out of hand that Mom (Ali Larter) and Dad (Sean Astin) pretty much tune Annie out, when not threatening to sell off her trusted steed Rebel.
This comes back to bite her when Annie finds herself being stalked for reals by a shadowy stranger in a largely windowless white Ford Econoline. When she brings this to the attention of her parents, they laugh off their budding fabulist. Only her little brother, Daniel (Gavin Warren), believes her, and that’s only because he too has seen the vehicle in question. So has Annie’s best friend, Patty (Skai Jackson), who passes off its appearance as a prank concocted by an immature high school senior.
We know better because between Margaret playing the boy-crazy diva and Annie staring googly-eyed at Mark (Noah Lomax), the newest member of her freshman class, Skeels inserts flashbacks in which a half-dozen other young women are abducted by the titular character, never to be seen again. Conveniently, these murders occur once a year for five consecutive years from 1970 to 1974. And since it’s now 1975 – cue the Doobie Brothers’ “Blackwater” – we’re led to assume Annie is the killer’s next victim. That is if she doesn’t outsmart him.
That, of course, will require keen wit, a rare commodity in a half-baked script by newbies Skeels and Sharon Y. Cobb in which almost every character can be counted upon to do the dumbest thing possible. Yes, it’s a standard for the genre, marvelously mocked in that clever TV ad Geiko rolls out every October in tribute to Halloween. As luck would have it, events in the film unfold in the days leading up to – and on – Oct. 31.
Predictably, the inevitable face-to-face confrontation between Annie and her would-be assailant goes down on All Hallows’ Eve. Skeels executes it well with several gripping cat-and-mouse games that lead to a nail-biting finale. But it’s almost a case of too little too late, as Skeels takes his sweet time getting to the main event. That would be OK if what preceded it wasn’t filled with coming-of-age tropes centered around Annie encountering her first boy crush.
Skeels also strives to amp up the 1970s nostalgia with loud, garish fashion (mostly paisley), big Farrah hair and references to Skynyrd, the Allmans and Doobies. Speaking of doobies, perhaps sparking one up is the best way to experience “The Man in the White Van,” allegedly inspired by real events that took place in Florida during the early 1970s. It will certainly heighten the sense of paranoia Skeels seeks to create. And if you’re lucky the short-term memory loss provided by weed will enable you to forget everything you’ve seen. Win-win, I’d say.
Movie review
The Man in the White Van”
Rated: PG-13
Cast: Madison Wolfe, Brec Bassinger, Sean Astin, Ali Larter, Gavin Warren, Noah Lomax and Skai Jackson
Director: Warren Skeels
Writer: Warren Skeels and Sharon Y. Cobb
Runtime: 104 minutes
Where: In theaters Dec. 13
Grade: C
