Say goodbye to the relentlessly irritating ‘Oh, Hi!’
There’s a lot of “Misery” in the miserable “Oh, Hi!,” a “comedy” so torturous it makes what Kathy Bates inflicted upon James Caan seem painless. Besides the utter lack of originality, it features a grating turn by Molly Gordon as our impromptu sadist and a compliant Logan Lerman as the unwitting masochist she’s placed in bondage.
Where “Misery” appealed to our baser instincts, “Oh, Hi!” is anything but satisfying. It’s basically 50 shades of blah courtesy of Sophie Brooks, a writer-director who mistakenly believes she’s introduced the perfect analogy for commitment-shy millennials who consider love and sex to be nonexclusive. But what she’s created is an approximation of agony.
It’s also a classic bait and switch scenario, opening with a marginally charming weekend in bucolic High Falls, N.Y., for newbie couple Iris (Gordon) and Isaac (Lerman) before veering off into increasingly bizarre territory. Note that the names of our self-serving duo both begin with “I.” That’s about as clever as Brooks gets before slapping on the restraints, and shackling Isaac to a bed that quickly transforms from a sex scene into a crime scene. That’s because amid their post-coital bliss, Isaac shatters Iris’ dreams of moonlight and roses by confessing that he’s not interested in a monogamous relationship. At least not at present.
Understandably, Iris quizzes Isaac about the deceptive nature of his grand displays of affection earlier that day, including oral sex in “the daylight” and serving her a romantic dinner of scallops and wine. Just activities he enjoys sharing, he replies. Like us, Iris feels hoodwinked. So, what choice does she have but to leave Isaac cuffed, essentially rendering him her prisoner? In an instant, Iris devolves from Isaac’s F-buddy into his crazy ex-girlfriend. But she’s not done. No! She’s going to subject her captive audience to a 12-hour exhortation in which she’s determined to convince Isaac she’s his ideal match. This includes a chronicle of her childhood and a recreation of the dance routine she performed at 14, accompanied by real footage of a gangly Gordon on stage at that age clad in a black leotard. So adorable – not!
Dumb, right? But not as inane as what ensues, with Isaac repeatedly self-sabotaging any opportunity to break free by hurling cruel insults at Iris and promising he’s going straight to the cops once the cuffs are off. Wait, it gets even more daft after Iris invites her BFF, Max (Geraldine Viswanathan), up from Manhattan to act as her accomplice and consultant in witchcraft. Yup, you read that right, a la “The Witches of Eastwick,” they are going to concoct a potion that will erase Isaac’s short-term memory and vanquish any accusations of kidnapping.
The level of stupidity to which “Oh, Hi!” stoops is astounding. How Brooks could have considered any of this funny is even more perplexing. It’s little wonder that Gordon (“The Bear”) and Lerman (“The Perks of Being a Wallflower”) struggle to establish a proper tone. As it stands Lerman projects as clueless and smug, while Gordon’s Iris can best be classified as certifiably insane.
And if she’s not far enough out of her mind, we also get David Cross as the couple’s creepy, intrusive next-door neighbor, Steve; and John Reynolds as Max’s sweet, but addled significant other, Kenny, a self-proclaimed expert on jurisprudence, an acumen amassed from hours of “Law and Order.” Are you laughing yet?
Oops, I nearly forgot to explain the pun-ish – or is that punish – title, a play on the missing “T” on the road sign that reads “Welcome (t)o High Falls.” By the end, you’ll be debating whether that’s a greeting or a warning. Hint: it’s the latter. It’s not that “Oh, Hi!” is a terrible movie; it’s much worse, a colossal misfire that stirs resentment by tying up your precious time.
Movie review
Oh, Hi!
Rated: R for language, sexual content and some nudity
Cast: Molly Gordon, Logan Lerman, Geraldine Viswanathan, David Cross and John Reynolds
Director: Sophie Brooks
Writers: Sophie Brooks and Molly Gordon
Runtime: 95 minutes
Where: In theaters July 25 (limited)
Grade: D
