Nothing here beyond a faint ‘Whisper’

      Psst! There’s a rumor circulating that Netflix’s adaptation of Alex North’s “The Whisper Man” involves a heinous murder callously abetted by an all-star cast. Don’t say you got it from me, but I feel the need to inform you it’s all true. The likes of Robert De Niro, Michelle Monaghan, Michael Keaton and Adam Scott may try to hide it, but they’ve been caught red-handed on film doing their worst. It’s unforgivable. But lucky for us, utterly forgettable.

     The most aggrieved are sure to be fans of North’s 2019 bestseller about sons doomed to repeat the sins of their fathers. They will be aghast over the multitude of alterations scenarists Ben Jacoby and Chase Palmer have made in moving North’s tale from jolly old England to the tony neighborhoods of northern New Jersey. But they’ll be even more irate over the dull, plodding approach the writers take in eliciting more yawns than frights.

     Some of it is funny, unintentionally, but it’s equally shocking how the characters fail to approximate real people and their speech. It’s as if every line of dialogue were crafted by ChatGPT and every action scene plotted by computer programmers infatuated with cliché-riddled 1990’s crime dramas. Instead of De Niro and Monaghan as combative co-investigators, one can easily imagine Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd reprising their roles from the equally disastrous “High Crimes,” which also involved a family member in peril.

     At least there, the victim was of age. Here, it’s little boys being lured from their beds and into the depths of hell by a serial killer bearing the unlikely moniker of the Whisper Man. Years ago, around the time of “High Crimes,” it was Keaton’s Frank Carter creepily knocking at the bedroom windows of children who willingly followed him into the night. Now, it’s happening again. But it can’t be Frank. He’s safely locked away in Rahway State Prison. Might someone on the outside be doing his dirty deeds by proxy?

     That’s what murder policewoman Amanda Peck (Monaghan) seeks to prove with the reluctant assistance of De Niro’s retired detective Pete Willis, who brought Carter to justice back in the 1990s at a great personal cost. As only happens in cheesy novels and bad movies, Pete’s recently widowed, alcoholic crime-writer son, Tom Kennedy (Scott), has just moved back to fictional Garretton, N.J., with his 8-year-old, ghost-spotting son, Jake (Acston Luca Porto).

     What are the odds that the giant, rickety Victorian Tom’s rented for him and his son was once a grisly crime scene and well could be again if the new Whisper Man gets his grubby hands on poor, defenseless Jake? Yes, the entire enterprise rests exclusively on a series of improbable coincidences. It’s all you can do to not roll your eyes.

     Director James Ashcroft, who did such a wonderful job on last year’s criminally underseen “Jenny Pen,” further disappoints by shifting into Lifetime mode, complete with a prolonged fight involving kitchen knives. It’s bad, really bad. But even worse is the slow, lethargic pace he sets, exacerbating poor editing choices that allow already staid scenes to drag on and on.

     Typical of the procedural genre, we’re presented with a host of potential perps, including the wickedly weird Norman Collins (Hamish Linklater), a collector of serial killer memorabilia, and Victor Tyler (Robert Colhessy), a known pedophile. Both are obvious red herrings meant to throw us off the trail of the person we know is responsible long before their identity is revealed.  By then, it’s doubtful you’ll even care. That’s how botched this movie is.

      Made worse by the bizarre casting choices. Didn’t anyone notice that De Niro and Monaghan have zero chemistry? That Adam Scott is simply doing a thin variation of his “outie” on “Severance”? Or that young Porto looks more like a “Hollywood kid” than a flesh-and-blood child?

     From top to bottom, it’s a colossal mess, as well as a tremendous waste of talent. So don’t be shy. Pass it on: “The Whisper Man” is trouble with a capital T. It’s sure to please the precious few wanting to see children in peril. But all others would be wise to mercifully shut their eyes, ears and windows. The tighter the better.

Movie review

The Whisper Man

Rated: R for some bloody violence, brief sexual references, language, disturbing images and suicide

Cast: Robert De Niro, Adam Scott, Michael Keaton and Michelle Monaghan

Director: James Ashcroft

Writers: Ben Jacoby and Chase Palmer

Runtime: 113 minutes

Where: Streaming now on Netflix

Grade: D