Wonky ‘Planet’ leaves you stranded in the desert
‘Tis the year for older women to be pursued by hunky young men, at least at the movies. In addition to “A Family Affair” and “The Idea of You,” we now have “Lonely Planet,” a stagnant Netflix offering in which Liam Hemsworth attempts to get between the covers with a famed novelist portrayed by Laura Dern. Trust me, it’s no page-turner.
If not for the exotic Moroccan backdrop, “Lonely Planet” would be completely bereft of appeal. Even Dern, an Oscar-winner for the streamer’s vastly superior “Marriage Story,” can’t ignite a spark of passion in the company of the robotic Hemsworth, who doesn’t even attempt to be seductive and appealing. He’s coasting, she’s coasting and we’re left wandering at the kasbah.
It’s not entirely their fault. Susannah Grant deserves the lion’s share of the blame, both for her flat writing and lackluster direction. It’s her sophomore effort handling both duties and it’s painfully obvious she’s learned nothing in the 18 years since the insipid “Catch and Release.” Like that unfortunate romcom, “Lonely Planet” is a meandering affair brimming with so many contrivances and cliches that you can understand why Dern and Hemsworth are as arid as the Sahara.
The scene is a fancy hotel on the outskirts of Marrakesh, where some of the world’s most celebrated authors have been invited to a literary convention. Chief among them is Dern’s Katherine Loewe, the peer all others are dying to meet. The feeling is hardly mutual, evidenced by Katherine going out of her way to avoid their acquaintance. So why even make the long journey from New York? To hear Katherine tell it, it’s because she’s currently homeless following a bitter breakup and in need of an isolated location eradicate to alleviating her acute case of writer’s block. The best-laid plans …
The fly in her ointment is Hemsworth’s Owen Brophy, some sort of high-powered corporate trader who’d rather be anywhere but here accompanying his girlfriend, Lily Kemp (Diana Silvers), the novice penner of the alleged “beach-read of the year.” No surprise, he latches onto any excuse to flee this assemblage of overly pretentious eccentrics, including a hotel-hosted day trip to a quaint Moroccan village. Wouldn’t you know it, Katherine is the only other participant.
Not only do they get to drop in on a gathering of “real” Moroccans and experience their food and culture, but they also establish a connection we already know will lead to a torrid romance, age difference be damned. So as not to make Owen look like a total louse, it seems Lily has decided to do a little cheating of her own with a fellow author. How convenient!
None of this is the least bit romantic, partly because Dern and Hemsworth have zero chemistry, but more significantly Katherine and Owen reveal themselves to be two of the biggest lumps you’re likely to meet. At least Dern is able to act to a degree. Regretfully, that’s not the case for Hemsworth and Silvers, both of whom are – sorry, no other word for it – awful. A pair of unseasoned high school thespians could do a more competent job.
But then Grant (an Oscar nominee for penning “Erin Brockovich”) isn’t doing either of them favors with her uninspired direction. Heck, she does the impossible by rendering Dern this side of amateurish. But if you were expected to recite dialogue this lame even Olivier would struggle with lines like, “core person stuff.”
“Lonely Planet” is intended to be a drama, but I was laughing my ass off during a ridiculous third act in which Owen regales Katherine with his “profound” philosophy on life, comparing it to the football term “swing route.” He tells her it’s a passing pattern used only when you’re in a “mess” and the only hope you have left is “faith in your instincts.” You could apply that wisdom to Grant and her trio of actors. They most certainly are in a “mess.” But, sorry, “faith” in their instincts is woefully misplaced.
Movie review
Lonely Planet
Rated: Not rated
Cast: Laura Dern, Liam Hemsworth and Diana Silvers
Director: Susannah Grant
Writer: Susannah Grant
Runtime: 94 minutes
Where: In theaters and on Netflix Oct. 11
Grade: C-
