Waterlogged ‘Currents’ is awash in grandiosity
An aristocrat’s impromptu sog evolves into a slog in the overtly pretentious “The Currents,” writer-director Milagros Mumenthaler’s rambling fever dream about a Mrs. Dalloway-type woman encountering an existential crisis following a haphazard stab at “suicide.”
The protagonist, or in this case, antagonist, is the lovely Catalina (Isabel Aimé González-Sola), a successful designer in the fashion industry who’s come to Geneva to receive a prestigious award. Soon after being presented the accompanying hardware, Lina, as she likes to be called, slips away from the afterparty and promptly deposits herself in the frigid Rhône. But splish splash, she’s not taking a bath; she’s … Well, I’m not exactly sure. You assume it’s her means of inflicting self-harm, but there’s an outside chance it was just an accident.
Miraculously, Lina survives, but the icy dunk in the drink has somehow metabolically transformed her into an aquaphobe with an acute case of PTSD. It presents itself the moment she returns to her young daughter, Sofia (Emma Fayo Duerte), and stinking rich hubby, Pedro (Esteban Bigliardi), back in Buenos Aires. As only a screenwriter could imagine, Lina has entered a fugue state that prevents her from being the mother, wife and artist she used to be.
She’s also become deathly afraid of water, henceforth ruling out ever taking a shower again. Pugh! And it’s gotten so bad, she’s forced to return to her pauper roots to seek out Amalia (Jazmin Carballo), the close friend she ditched upon entering high society. But with Lina, or Cata as Amalia knows her from the old days, everything is transactional. As such, Amalia is suddenly useful again because she performs some nip/tuck on the side, meaning she possesses the anesthesia needed to knock Lina out long enough for Amalia to wash her long, luxurious hair.
As for the pits and the crotch, a quick sponge bath will do. But how can Lina explain her dramatic shift in demeanor and personality to her friends and family? Luckily, her husband, like Mr. Dalloway, is too involved in his own thing, at least initially, to really care. And like most children, Sofia is too self-involved to notice her mommy acting weird. So, on and on it goes, with repetition fatigue quickly settling in. We get it, already! But Mumenthaler isn’t about to let us step off this stupefying merry-go-round. There are many, many close-ups of shoes to show us, as well as a plethora of images of water.
I suppose if you have a foot fetish this might go down smoother, but I found it tedious and supercilious, an incurable case of a haughty filmmaker showing off. Many critics are heaping praise upon Mumenthaler’s drivel. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the empress has no clothes, literally. Not all the time, but often, presenting González-Sola with the opportunity to flaunt the ample physical gifts God gave her. Alas, that’s the most memorable aspect of a dull, uninvolving performance that mostly entails looking perpetually stunned.
We also get a lot of her ogling herself in mirrors, but not much in the way of character development or understanding of why she doesn’t just get herself to a capable shrink. Inevitably, we discover the source of her ennui, which is straight out of psychology 101. Oh, no, not a Mommy issue! Who would have guessed? And wouldn’t you know it, an excuse for additional shots of shoes, because Mama doesn’t allow them in her house. It’s a slippers-only zone!
What a vainglorious mess, one that will either stir within you uncontrollable mock laughter or a cure for insomnia. My wife and I opted for the former, jovially comparing “The Currents” to “Rochelle, Rochelle: A Young Girl’s Strange, Erotic Journey from Milan to Minsk,” the fictional film that on “Seinfeld” epitomized the pompousness of arthouse cinema. Go if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. And by all means, do not attempt, with or without shoes, to emulate Lina’s leap at home. Studies suggest it’s one of the leading causes of death … by boredom.
Movie review
The Currents
Rated: Not rated
Cast: Isabel Aimé González-Sola, Esteban Bigliardi, Emma Fayo Duerte, Ernestina Gatti and
Director: Milagros Mumenthaler
Writer: Milagros Mumenthaler
Runtime: 104 minutes
Where: In theaters June 5 (limited)
Grade: D
